GENESIS 50:20

Whenever I've stepped out to do something, I felt God calling me to do, the voices of criticism and condemnation have been there to greet me. Everytime I will do the task for the ministry, voices were loud and cruel, saying- "You'll never be a good staff. You are not wanted. Look at you. Do you really think God could use someone like you?"

Sometimes I measured myself against other people. "She's so clever. She's so educated. She's so connected. Who am I compared to all that?" Gradually, I shrank back. I pulled away. I put up a front of perfection with carefully crafted words, that i’m polished on the outside, yet completely undone on the inside.

Eventually the Lord called my bluff. Often tears streamed from my eyes while attempting to get through the lessons. But one day it was more than just tears. It was sobs pouring from a chest so heavy with burdens I thought I might literally break apart.

Down on my face, I asked God to speak to me. What I heard in reply was one simple, life-changing question: Will you continue to serve Me? "Yes, I will continue to serve You. The good parts that are safe and tidy and acceptable."

But safe and tidy and acceptable were not what God was looking for. He wanted
the impossible. Absolutely impossible ... in my strength.

God met every one of my arguments with scriptures about relying not on my strength, but on His.

I'd wept over that choice.

I'd repented.

I'd gone to God hundreds of times and asked for forgiveness.

I'd laid it down every time there was an altar call.

In that moment, I finally understood the meaning behind GENESIS 50:20.

FORGIVE YOURSELF

Repent nga rin ako kasi dami nadamay sa sarili kong multo.  I’m bad pero age is an excuse naman di ba? Hahaha.  Hirap talaga magtanim ng sama ng loob na minsan kahit sa bus kapag nakasakay ako, kapag nakakita ako ng madungis at marumi, iniisip kong masama sila, na sila ay baka holdaper at snatcher, pero reality pala, mas masama ako kasi masama iyong iniisip ko, hahaha.  Kaya, Lord, may you control us lalo na sa over acting natin at down syndrome na iyon.  Makulay talaga ang buhay.  Dapat mas malalim pa na compassion at pag-ibig sa lahat.

RESIBO

Pagdating ko sa office, late na ako at nawawala ang receipt ng client ko, hanap ako ng hanap, hindi ko makita talaga.  So in my mind ulit ay pagbintangan ang mga ka office mate ko.  Naku iyon pala, naka-ipit sa isang folder.  Hay naku, nagkaka-edad na talaga ako.  Patawarin mo na ang sarili mo at tanggaping nagkaka-edad ka na at dili ka na youth oi!

TSINELAS

Ako  nga din kailangan kong patawarin ang sarili ko kasi hinahanap ko kahapon ang tsinelas ko.  Dahil hindi ko makita, in my mind, pinagbintangan ko iyong mga boardmate ko na kumuha ng tsinelas ko kaya pinagtitinginan ko mga paa nila, hindi ko naman nakitang suot nila.  Ayst, ayon naman pala, natakpan lang ng sapatos ko.

FINDING THE STRENGTH TO FORGIVE

“If you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in
heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

Forgiveness is never easy, but it’s the vital first step toward healing. A
woman once wrote to tell “Dear Abby” that her husband of two years had had an affair with a young widow, who then carried his child. The wife wanted to die; she also wanted to kill her husband and the widow. But she knew those weren’t the answers she needed. Instead she prayed to God, and the Lord gave her the strength to forgive both the husband and the widow.

The baby was born in the home of the husband and wife and raised as their own. He turned out to be their only child. In fifty years, wife and husband never discussed the incident again. “But,” the wife wrote, “I’ve read the love and gratitude in his eyes a thousand times.”

By praying for God’s help, this woman received peace, a loving marriage, and a child she otherwise wouldn’t have had. The next time anger and resentment rise up in your throat, get on your knees and ask the Lord for the healing work He wants to do in your heart. We believe He will hear and answer that prayer.

ROMANS 8:28

Today, let's take a few moments to move our focus from the world's problems

to God. As we do, let's ask Jesus, to give us a deeper vision of who He is, praying

 that His character will shine like a light through us. Let's also ask for His help in 

seeing tragedies and bad news through His eyes, trusting that He will work all 

things together for the good of those who love Him.

SACRIFICIAL LOVE

You have a whole lot to give your children, my sister.

What you give them today will grow within them throughout their life.

If you teach them to care, share, and dare while they are young,

they will reap the results of the right thinking you instill in them as they grows.

The most powerful inspiration you can give your children is to continually show 

them the sacrificial love you pour out daily to enable them to go after their 

dreams. This type of giving is called a living sacrifice. It may be that you 

sacrificed some of the money needed for the months’ expenses so your son or 

daughter could participate in a Church servive or Youth Camps to further 

develop skills as an individual. You may have sacrificed dollars set aside for your 

hair and nails, so they could get new school clothes.

In one way, these choices are setbacks; but they are also set ups.

You may bear the struggle alone; but you will share the victories and

successes with that young child you adore. You give so they can receive.

Difficult? Yes! Rewarding? Most definitely!