My life is just one constant battle
between wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely.
Alone, inside my house, my sanctuary,
my peace. Contented at peace. I am not lonely here; the places my mind wanders
know who I am. And we are all friends. Among, the energy suckers of the world
of the cruel, the psychopaths and narcissists, that is when my loneliness sets
in. I am a stranger in the middle of such people. It is hard to live in the
world that sees the comfort of ones own surroundings as lonely and being
surrounded by groups as happiness. For the mind of the introvert, and of the
empathy, we are never lonely when we are alone.
Alone and lonely are not the same!
I’m alone most of the time but infrequently lonely. I wish people would stop
equating them or presenting them as though lonely is an inherent side effect of
being alone. Remember, the worst loneliness is found surrounded by the wrong
people.
INFJ’s are gifted with words;
inspiring, meaningful and rhythmic.
In the deep night, while others
sleep, my mind wanders far off the edges of the universe, into the realms of
the unknown. It wanders into puzzle and problems, seeking to find solutions for
each one or replaying over each day events to see if somehow, someway, I may
have said or did something wrong. When it wanders so far I cannot stop it, I
can only wish for a stop button so that I could finally sleep.
Now if my brain would switch off and
stop wandering at night, that would be great!
I have loved others in the deepest
recessed of my heart, far more than many others, even if it is never
reciprocated. I have felt the deep fears and sadness of others, when bombarded
by their emotional states. My own emotional combined with my need for rational
thought, push me forward through the world. Who else could live in constant
contradiction? In love, I have been accused of being weak, however, in love, in
my emotions, I prove my strength.
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