INFJ4

I choose to be kind because it makes me happy. But I will defend my boundaries and my loveones without hesitation. Make no mistake, I am fierce..

I don’t like to just hook up. It’s not that I haven’t. It just doesn’t feel good. I’m looking for someone who can see me for more than just a sex doll. I’m looking for someone I call fall head over heels over. And I’m looking for someone who I can live happily ever after with. That’s my forever fantasy.

As an empath, I’m sensitive to every little detail. The guilt I feel can be mind torturing to the extent that I self harm. To put coal into the burning fire. I’m gifted with anxiety. My mind blocks every other feeling and all I can feel is depression. All I yearn for is a loving soul who comes to me and says, “It will be okay. I promise.”

We punished ourselves for reasons we don’t understand, for crimes we didn’t commit, for far longer than is justified. At some point, it’s got to be okay, to say what you need. What you need, not what you think is acceptable, not what you are told is expected of you. What you need. I am giving you permission, you can stop punishing yourself. It’s okay. I promise.

Heaven knows the numbers of times I’ve tried to change. At night before I sleep, I try to kill the person I was, in a hope to wake up as a different person. At present I don’t. I’ve made peace. I’ve suppressed my urge to change because it only has an adverse affect on me. What I concluded was that I cannot change the person I was meant to be. I have to accept myself the way I am in order to get the best out of me.

Some years back, I tried my best to keep busy, to avoid solitude, to not go into deep contemplations, to not follow my intuition. In other words, I tried not to be me. Looking back, I realize I was wrong to strip myself off of my individuality. I’m facing the consequences now but I do not believe that it’s never too late. I still have hope. Since then, I never looked back. I strived hard to be me. I do lose the sense of individuality ever now and then, but that does not mean I can’t go on. I have to. I have to, for myself. Because I’m living my life and I will try my best to keep every inch of it sacred.

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