WHEN WILL MY TURN COME

You’ve come to the end of this book. You’ve read stories of many different couples. What about you? Where are you in your story?

Maybe you feel like you’re waiting for it to begin. Maybe reading all the happy endings has been a painful reminder that you’re still alone.

“Boy meets girl” hasn’t happened to you. You haven’t met the right woman. The right man hasn’t come along. Or if he did, he failed to notice you. I’m glad you’re enjoying marriage, Josh, you might be thinking, but what about me?

 I won’t pretend to know all the disappointments you’ve faced. I don’t know what you’ve been through or how long you’ve waited. Every day I get letters from men and women who have waited far longer than I did and experienced much more pain. I don’t have easy answers. “All I ever wanted was to be married,” a woman who wrote me. “I thought it would have happened by now.” The honesty with which she confessed her struggle was heartbreaking:

I used to wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” but now I’m wondering what’s right. I asked God to take away my burning desire for marriage if it’s not His plan for me, but He hasn’t.

I’ve never admitted this because I feel so ashamed, but I’ve stopped going to weddings, because jealousy gets the best of me. The last wedding I attended just overwhelmed me. All went well until the end when the Pastor said, “You may kiss your bride for the first time.” The groom lifter her veil, and everyone was expecting them to just go ahead and kiss, but they didn’t. Instead he slowly cupped her face in his hands, and they just stood there looking deep into each other’s eyes. I could almost hear their secret communication. Then they smiled and kissed, long and deeply.

At that point, I lost it. The tears poured from my eyes, and I sobbed in silence. The lump in my throat was so huge that I could only manage to squeak out a few words to the bride in the reception line. No one suspected that I was so jealous; they thought I was being sentimental. But she knew. While tears ran down my face, she looked at me sympathetically and then put her arms around me and held me tight.

I left the reception early. When I got home I fell across my bed and cried. “When will it be my turn, Lord?”

Are you asking that question? “When will it be my turn? When will my story begin?”

If you’re single, I believe that God wants you to see that your story has begun. Life doesn’t start when you find a spouse. Marriage is wonderful, but it’s simply a new chapter in life. It’s just new way to do what we’re all created to do – to live for and glorify our Creator.

Right now, God is working all the elements of your life together for your good (Romans 8:28). This time in your life is part of your story. Maybe it’s not what you had planned. Maybe you wish your Prince or Princess would have arrived by now. But God is right on schedule. He knows exactly what He’s doing. He sees you right where you are. He hasn’t forgotten you. He hasn’t overlooked you. The circumstances you’re going through – no matter how difficult – are part of the very happy ending He has planned.

God is greater than your circumstances. My Pastor, C.J. Mathaney, once told a group of singles: “Your greatest need is not a spouse. Your greatest need is to be delivered from the wrath of God – and that has already been accomplished for you through the death and resurrection of Christ. So why doubt that God will provide a much, much lesser need? Trust His sovereignty, trust His wisdom, truth His love.”

I don’t have any pat answers. I can only urge you to trust Him.

Trust God’s sovereignty. He sees your end from your beginning. His plan for your life can’t be thwarted. He is in control.

Trust God’s wisdom. If marriage is His will for you, He knows exactly what you need in a spouse. And in His unfathomable wisdom. He knows when you’ll be ready. His timing will be perfect.

Trust God’s love. Hasn’t He given His very life to save you from sin? Hasn’t He demonstrated His love on the Cross? Then He can provide for your lesser needs too. Even your present trials are part of His loving plan for you. And whatever God has in store for tomorrow will be another perfect expression of His love.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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TRANSFORMED

You might be thinking, “Is all this talk about the Cross and my sin supposed to be good news?” Yes, it is! When we see just how dire our situation really is, the Great Rescue becomes all the more incredible.

Rebecca Pippert tells a story that illustrates the transforming power of a proper understanding of the Cross.

Several years ago after I had finished speaking at a conference, a lovely woman came to the platform. She obviously wanted to speak to me and the moment I turned to her, tears welled up in her eyes. We made our way to the room where we could talk privately. It was clear from looking at her that she was sensitive but tortured. She sobbed as she told me the following story.

Years before, she and her fiancée (to whom she was now married) had been the youth workers at a large conservative Church. They were a well-known couple and had an extraordinary impact on the young people. Everyone looked up to them and admired them tremendously. A few months before they were to be married they began having sexual relations. That left them burdened enough with a sense of guilt and hypocrisy. But then she discovered she was pregnant. “You can’t imagine what the implications would have been of admitting this to our Church,” she said. “To confess that we were preaching one thing and living another would have been intolerable. The congregation was so conservative and had never been touched by any scandal. We felt they wouldn’t be able to handle knowing about our situation. Nor could we bear the humiliation.

“So we made the most excruciating decision I have ever made. I had an abortion.  My wedding day was the worst day of my entire life. Everyone in the Church was smiling at me, thinking me a bride beaming in innocence. But do you know what was going through my head as I walked down the aisle?” All I could think to myself was, “You’re a murderer. You were so proud that you couldn’t bear the shame and humiliation of being exposed for what you are. But I know what you are and so does God. You have murdered an innocent baby.”

She was sobbing so deeply that she could not speak. As I put my arms around her, a thought came to me very strongly. But I was afraid to say it. I knew if it was not from God that it could be very destructive. So I prayed silently for the wisdom to help her.

She continued, “I just can’t believe that I could do something so horrible. How could I have murdered an innocent life? How is it possible I could do such a thing? I love my husband; we have four beautiful children. I know the Bible says that God forgives all of our sins. But I can’t forgive myself! I’ve confessed this sin a thousand times, and I still feel such shame and sorrow. The thought that haunts me the most is how could I murder an innocent life?

I took a deep breath and said what I had been thinking. “I don’t know why you are so surprised. This isn’t the first time your sin has led to death; it’s the second.” She looked at me in utter amazement. “My dear friend,” I continued, “When you look at the Cross, all of us show up as crucifiers. Religious or non-religious, good or bad, aborters or non-aborters – all of us are responsible for the death of the only innocent who ever lived. Jesus died for all of our sins – past, present, and future. Do you think there are any sins of yours that Jesus didn’t have to die for? The very sin of pride that caused you to destroy your child is what killed Christ as well. It does not matter that you weren’t there two thousand years ago. We all sent him there. Luther said that we carry His very nails in our pockets. So if you have done it before, then why couldn’t you do it again?”

She stopped crying. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You are absolutely right. I have done something even worse than killing my baby. My sin is what drove Jesus to the Cross. It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t there pounding in the nails, I’m still responsible for His death. Do you realize the significance of what are you telling me, Becky? I came to you saying I had done the worst thing imaginable. And you tell me I have done something even worse than that?”

I grimaced because I knew this was true. (I am not sure that my approach would qualify as one of the great counseling techniques!) Then she said, “But Becky, if the Cross shows me that I am far worse than I had ever imagined, it also shows me that my evil has been absorbed and forgiven. If the worst thing any human can do is to kill God’s Son, and that can be forgiven, then can anything else – even my abortion – not be forgiven?”

 I will never forget the look in her eyes as she sat back in awe and quietly said, “Talk about amazing grace.” This time she wept not out of sorrow but relief and gratitude. I saw a woman literally transformed by a proper understanding of the Cross.

Just like the woman in this story, we need to hear the bad news of the Cross before we can receive the Good News. And for sinners like you and me, there’s almost too much Good News to take in.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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THE THREE WRONG AND INEFFECTIVE WAYS MAN TRIES TO DEAL WITH PAST SIN

LET’S LOOK AT THE THREE WRONG AND INEFFECTIVE WAYS MAN TRIES TO DEAL WITH PAST SIN AND COMPARE THEM WITH THE STRIKINGLY DIFFERENT WAY THAT GOD REVEALED AT CALVARY..

1.MINIMIZING SIN.  Man’s way is to minimize sin. We try to escape our guilt by pretending that what we have done really isn’t so bad. We change our morals to fit our behavior. We downplay sin and never call it what it really is. Instead, we say that we were “wild” when we were young. We blame our actions on our unseen and unaccountable “hormones”. Sin isn’t so serious, we assure ourselves. Besides, “we’re only human.”

But the Cross declares that sin is serious. God never downplay it. Sexual sin is the abuse of our bodies, which are made in His image – it is high treason against our almighty Maker. In fact, it’s such a big deal that the only way for it to be justly dealt with is either for us sinners to spend an eternity in hell, or for the Son of God to receive the full wrath of God in our place. The Cross shows that our sin and guiltiness can’t be minimized.

2.IGNORING HOLINESS.  Another wrong way man excuses sin is to ignore God’s holiness – to assume that God is as tolerant of sin as we are. This approach is most popular among “religious people,” who would never completely reject God, but still don’t want to be bothered by the idea of a righteous judge who is holy and calls them to be holy (1 Peter 1:15-16). Instead, we make God in our image and pretend that, like us, He’s willing to overlook sin.

Again, the Cross contradicts man’s approach. It shows that God’s holiness can’t be ignored. The torture and suffering inflicted on Jesus show just how much God hates our sin. God says, “These things you have done and I kept silent; you thought I was altogether like you. But I will rebuke you and accuse you to your face” (Psalm 50:21). God isn’t like us. He’s holy. And His standards haven’t changed over time. He hasn’t succumbed to popular opinion or decreased His holiness. He remains holy. The Cross reveals just how holy He is.

3.LIVING SELF-RIGHTEOUSLY. Man’s third wrong approach to sin is self-righteousness. This can be expressed in several different ways. It’s seen in the life of the person who is shocked that he was capable of sinning. “I just can’t believe I did it,” he says. Why he is so surprised? Because he self-righteously viewed himself as basically good instead of inherently wicked. Sadly, his grief over sin isn’t because he had disobeyed God, but because he has failed to live up to his own inflated opinion of himself.

Self-righteousness is also expressed by the person who refuses to accept God’s forgiveness. “I just can’t forgive myself,” she says. “Maybe God can, but I can’t.” It might appear pious, but statements like these are really a form of reverse pride that says, “My standards are higher than God’s.” Instead of humbly acknowledging that her sin was against God and that only He can wipe it away, she tries to become her own savior. She tries to bear her own punishment, pay penance by wallowing in guilt or doing good deeds, or add to God’s favor through obedience.

But the Cross, as John Stott tells us, undermines our self-rigteousness. If we had any righteousness of our own, God wouldn’t have needed to send a savior and substitute. God’s plan of salvation very clearly reveals one thing. We have nothing to do with the Great Rescue. In fact, the only things we can contribute is the sin that has to be paid for. No man or woman can earn his or her salvation. No human born in sin is able to make amends. We can’t pay enough penance; we can’t do enough good works; we can’t add to God’s favor through our obedience.

The Cross humbles us. The only way God could give us right standing before Him was to transfer our guilt to Jesus and impute Jesus’ perfect record to us.

Not only do minimizing sin, ignoring God’s holiness, and living self-righteously not work, they can destroy your relationship. If you have past sexual sin to confess, minimizing it will also trivialize the preciousness of God’s gift of pure sex in marriage. If sexual sin is no big deal, sexual purity is no big deal either. In the same way, ignoring God’s holiness sets your marriage up for disaster. If God doesn’t care about your past unfaithfulness, what motivation does either of you have to be faithful after you’re married? Self-righteousness is also poisonous. A marriage that isn’t built around the Cross will be devoid of the grace, mercy, and humility that come when both husband and wife recognize their need for a Savior.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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“FATHER! FATHER! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!”

The face that Moses had begged to see – was forbidden to see – was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth’s rebellion now twisted around his own brow..

“On your back with you!” One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier’s heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner’s wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier’s life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son “do all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17.) The victim wills that the soldier live on – he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm – the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless – the nerves perform exquisitely. “Up you go!” They lift the Cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being – the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father’s eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face his Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of man hanging on a Cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize his eyes.

“Son of Man! Why you have behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped – murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten – fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk – you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp – buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves – relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?”

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart’s treasure, the mirror image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah’s stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

“Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!”

But heaven stop its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God – man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied.

THE RESCUE WAS ACCOMPLISHED.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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ios.florinac@gmail.com

GUIDELINES FOR A GODLY PURE RELATIONSHIP

We will not caress each other. For us this excludes:

1.Rubbing each other’s back, neck, or arms;

2.Touching or stroking each other’s face;

3.Playing with each other’s hair.

4.Scratching each other’s arms or back.

We will not cuddle. For us this excludes:

1.Sitting entwined on a couch watching a movie;

2.Leaning or resting on the other person;

3.Lying down next to other;

4.Playfully wrestling with each other.

We will guard our conversation and meditation. For us this means:

1.Not talking about our future physical relationship;

2.Not thinking or dwelling on what would now be sinful;

3.Not reading things related to physical intimacy within marriage prematurely.

We will not spend undue amounts of time together at late hours.

A specific area of concern for us is time together late at night. We’re more vulnerable when we’re tired. Even if we haven’t compromised, please ask if we’re spending too much time together at late hours.

Appropriate physical expression during this season include:

1.Holding hands;

2.Man putting his arm around woman’s shoulder;

3.Bried side hugs.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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ios.florinac@gmail.com

ROMANCE

Our discussion of romance has been left till the end intentionally. Growing in romance should take place only when friendship and fellowship are deepening.

The essence of pure romance is pursuit – a man showing through his words and appropriate actions his care, affection and sincere love for a woman and the woman responding in kind.

While romance is not the first priority, it’s still important. Romantic feelings and the pure nonphysical expression of those feelings are an essential part of this time in a relationship. If God is confirming the wisdom and rightness of the relationship, romantic feelings should be seen as a good thing and a gift from God. Our goal during courtship is not to stifle our feelings of affection and love, but to submit them to God and to grow in and guard them.

Men, it’s our privilege to be in the initiators of romantic expression in our courtships. Throughout the relationship, it’s appropriate for us to communicate “genuine affection” (Romans 12:10). Send her an e-mail during the day to let her know you’re thinking of her. Give her cards and write encouraging notes. Give her flowers to tell her how special she is. Romance doesn’t have to be fancy or flashy. The most romantic things a man can do for a woman are the little things that let her know that she’s on his mind and in his heart. And remember, these skills aren’t just for courtship. If you get married, it will be your privilege to keep pursuing your wife for the rest of your life!

Our guideline for what we do and don’t during courtship is that we never want our romantic expression to promise more commitment than we would be ready to express in words. It should grow as our confidence about marriage increases. The goal is to tell the truth about the relationship. It doesn’t serve a girl if a man’s romantic expression is too far ahead or too far behind.

During the first month of his courtship with Nicole, my friend Steve was so determined to guard her heart that he forgot to show through his actions how much he really liked her – and believe me, he really liked her! Steve was actually very confident that he wanted to marry Nicole, but Nicole interpreted his reserve as a lack of serious interest. This caused her to be very guarded, which in turn made it difficult for them to grow closer. Fortunately, Nicole’s father and mother were providing oversight for the relationship. They saw the problem and intervened. One weekend while Nicole was out of town visiting her sister, her dad took Steve aside and told him that he needed to express his feelings more. “It would serve Nicole if you were a little more romantic,” he said.

Steve was only too happy to oblige. He felt like a kid who had just been told he needed to eat more candy! The next day when he picked Nicole up at the airport, he was waiting at the gate with a huge grin and a bouquet of flowers. Steve has since been increasing his romantic expression through his words and actions.

Ladies, it’s appropriate for you to respond to the guy’s increased romance. Your goal should be to match but not outpace him. Nicole has done this in her relationship with Steve. As he picked up the pace romantically, she reciprocated. When Steve took a trip with some friends, she arranged little surprises and notes for each day of his travel. First she baked his favorite brownies and had a flight attendant deliver them to him on the plane. Then when he arrived at the home where he was to stay, his favorite ice cream was waiting in the freezer. (Do you see a theme emerging? Women like flowers; men like food!) Steve and Nicole are growing in romance at an appropriate time in their relationship and for the right reasons.

Gentlemen, when we know that we want to marry a girl, we can begin to actively seek to win her heart. God-honoring wooing is neither licentious nor manipulative. It’s pure, it’s sincere, and it’s backed up by a desire for lifelong commitment.

What does it mean to guard our hearts in regard to romance? In my relationship with Shannon, the principle that guided me was simple. Romance during our courtship needed to flow out of deepening commitment. I refused to stoke the fires of romantic zeal before I knew I wanted to marry her. Doing so might have led to short-term enjoyment; but it would have deeply hurt her eventually. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret (see Song of Solomon 2:7).

A practical application of this principle is the question of when to say “I love you.” If you feel love for the other person, should you verbalize it? Again, we must be guided by what’s best for the other person. In some cases, saying “I love you” prematurely can be a very unloving thing to do. Unless those words are sincere and an expression of true commitment, they are meaningless and can cause great pain.

There’s no hard-and-fast rule here. We need wisdom. I choose to save the words I love you for the moment I asked Shannon to marry me. I wanted her to know the words meant something – they were tied to my commitment to her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving only her.

I share this not to say that it’s always wrong to say “I love you” before engagement. Other men I respect have said it earlier. In their particular relationships, it served the one they loved to let her know the depth of their feelings, and engagement followed soon after. My encouragement is to use caution.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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FELLOWSHIP

As your relationship unfolds, you want to make sure it has a spiritual foundation. For your relationship to be strong, love for God must be the common passion of your hearts. Courtship is the time to grow in your ability to share this passion for God and learn to encourage each other in your faith.

Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives – the reality of Jesus Christ and His work in us. It involves praying together as well as talking about what God is teaching us and showing us.

Men, it’s our responsibility to take the lead in biblical fellowship. Find out how you can be praying for each other. Take time to talk about what God is teaching you in your individual walks with Him.

There are many other ways to grow in fellowship. You can read Christians books together, talk about sermons after a Sunday service, and discuss how you’re going to apply what you learn. During our courtship, Shannon and I read the book of Acts together and sent e-mails back and forth about what we were learning.

Another important part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Nate, a young man from Great Britain, did this in his courtship with Clare by inviting her to point out any areas of compromise she observed in his life. “I would consistently ask is she saw any attitudes or behaviors that were offensive or dishonoring to her, others, or God.”

Guarding the fruit of true biblical fellowship means increasing your love and passion for God, not your emotional dependence on each other. Your goal is to point each other to Him. All the ideas shared for growing in fellowship have to be guarded from abuse. We should never use spiritual activities as a way to grab for more intimacy than is appropriate for our relationship.

One couple I know wound up in sexual sin as a result of their extended times of “prayer” in his car. Others use the façade of “talking about spiritual things” to share every private details about themselves prematurely. Although there’s a place for confessing areas of sin to each other and asking for accountability, this should never be of sexual nature. Our primary source or accountability should be with members of the same sex.

Another part of guarding our hearts in fellowship involves making sure we’re not trying to take God’s place in each other’s lives. If you’re beginning to look to each other as your main source of comfort, encouragement, and courage, something is wrong. Remind each other to find your souls satisfaction in God alone.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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ios.florinac@gmail.com

FRIENDSHIP

The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. You don’t need to worry about igniting romantic feelings immediately or figuring out whether you’re compatible for marriage. Those things will work themselves out as your friendship develops.

Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It’s having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together.

When you’re just starting out, don’t stress yourself out trying to orchestrate incredibly entertaining or romantic dates. Relax and enjoy each other’s company. Look for activities and settings that allow you to spend time together and talk freely. And don’t limit yourselves to going out on dates. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life – the fun, the mundane, and the in-between. Work together and play together; serve side by side.

The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the “real you”? Whatever it is you love, whatever it is that captures your imagination, invite the other person into it – and ask the other to take you into his or her world too.

“I think of myself as a student of Nicole,” says Steve, who’s been in a courtship with her for three months. “I want to better understand who she is so I can be a better friend. A lot of what I learn happens when we’re just being together and talking. But I’ve also discovered that I have to be intentional with my questions. During the day if I think of something I want to ask her, I’ll write it down so I can remember to ask her when we get together.”

Guarding each other’s hearts during this time means making sure the friendship has appropriate pace, focus, and space.

The pace should be unhurried. Don’t try to become best friends the first week. Just like any other friendship, this one takes time and consistent investment to develop. Don’t rush or try to force your way into each other’s lives.

The focus of your friendship in its early stages should be on getting to know each other, not on creating premature intimacy and emotional dependence. In the beginning of your courtship, look for activities where the focus is on something besides being a couple. In your conversations and questions, avoid talking about the relationship. Instead, seek to learn about each other. Don’t grab for more intimacy than is warranted. The focus will change as mutual confidence about commitment deepens. You’ll earn access to each other’s hearts over time.

The amount of space your friendship occupies in your life will also grow over time. In the beginning, be careful that it doesn’t crowd out relationships with friends and families. Don’t be threatened by the other person’s outside relationships. Make room for each other, but don’t try to monopolize each other’s time; remember that premature exclusivity in your courtship can cause both of you to depend on it more than is wise. Be faithful to your current friendships and responsibilities. As the relationship progresses, you’ll make more and more space for each other, but this should happen slowly and be done cautiously.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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ios.florinac@gmail.com

GROWING AND GUARDING

It’s clear that we need to refine our definition of success in courtship. Getting engaged should not be our overriding goal. What should be?

I believe that in a God-glorifying, wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.

In courtship our goals should be to grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other’s character, but we also want to guard each other’s hearts because the outcome of our relationship is still unknown.

At the beginning of a courtship a man and a woman don’t know if they should get married. They need to get to know each other, observe each other’s character, and find out how they relate as a couple. This is what it means to grow closer. But the fact that the future is unknown should also motivate them to treat each other with the kind of integrity that will allow them to look back on their courtship without regret, regardless of the outcome.

Second Corinthians 1:12 sums up what every Christian couple should be able to say at the end of a courtship:

Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace.

Instead of making engagement the finish line of courtship, our goal should be to treat each other in a godly manner, make the right choice about marriage, and have a clear conscience about our actions.

My friend Leonard, a single man in his thirties, was disappointed when Rita broke off their courtship. But because he acted appropriately toward her, he had the peace that comes with clear conscience.

“Sure my pride was hurt,” Leonard says. “I asked myself, “Why?” and “What went wrong?” many times. But I consider our courtship a success because I was able to walk away from it praising God that I had served and honored my sister. I treated her with the respect a child of God deserves. To the best of my ability, my motives, thoughts, words, and actions were in the right place.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

cabreraflorina.blogspot.com

ios.florinac@gmail.com

ONE MORE LETTER

I didn’t tell you about one other thing Rich had put in that box before he buried it. When he carefully wrapped it years before, he placed one new letter on top of all the others. It was a letter Christy had never read. In it, Rich asked her to marry him.

So, Christmas morning, over four years after it had been buried, the box of cherished letters was unearthed and opened. And four years after it had been written, Christy read Rich’s letter proposing marriage.

Today, Rich and Christy have a soaring story of romance because they were willing to be guided by wisdom. Anyone can have passionate feelings, but only those who seek God’s purpose and timing can know the true joy of romantic love fulfilled.

Just ask Rich Shipe. In the very spot he buried his hopes, he saw them come to life. In the very place he knelt for a funeral of his dreams, he knelt four years later to ask Christy Farris to be his bride. And as he pulled an engagement ring from his pocket, he heard her answer, “Yes!”

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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A RED MAPPLE FOR CHRISTY

Rich and Christy didn’t begin a courtship then, but they did to start to talk and ease back into a friendship. A year later, with Christy still away at school, they began a long-distance courtship.  Things were so different this time. Their relationship was just as romantic, but now it had purpose and direction. They had their parent’s blessing. Every day their confidence for marriage grew.

All the time the box full of love letters lay hidden. Rich had never told Christy that he had buried them in her own front yard. She thought the letters had been burned. The Christmas before she graduated from college she found out otherwise.

Christmas morning, Rich was celebrating at the Farris home. “This one’s for you,” he said, handing Christy a small box. She unwrapped it and found a nursery tag for a red maple.

“I bought you a tree,” Rich told her.

“Oh” Christy said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

Her family, who by this time were all in on the surprise, could hardly contain themselves. “Why don’t you plant it in the front yard?” her father suggested.

“Now?” Christy asked.

“Sure!” Rich said. “Come on.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her outside, where the tree and a shovel were waiting.

“Where should we plant it?” Christy asked as they walked down the drive way toward the front yard.

“This spot will do,” Rich said, pointing to the ground. He smiled at Christy, then raised his shovel and drove it into the earth.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

cabreraflorina.blogspot.com

ios.florinac@gmail.com

THE REST OF THE STORY

A month after Rich buried their love letters, both he and Christy left home for colleges in different parts of the country. They didn’t say goodbye. They didn’t write or call each other. Because their schools had different schedules, they didn’t see each other during the year. Those were difficult days. The love they felt for each other hadn’t gone away.

A year and a half after they’d broke up, Christy called her mom from school and told her that she was still struggling with her feelings for Rich. When her dad found out, he asked if she knew how Rich was doing. “How would I know?” Christy answered, the emotion in her voice thinly veiled. “I haven’t talked to him since we broke up.”

Her dad was impressed. Rich had stuck to his word and broken off communication with Christy. Mike decided to intervene once more. A few months later, when Rich was home from college, Mike called and asked him to come to his office.

“I had no idea what he wanted to talk to me about,” Rich says. “I thought I must be in trouble, but I couldn’t imagine what I’d done.”

As I turned out, Rich wasn’t in trouble. Mike wanted to meet him to thank him for keeping his word. He also wanted to tell him that he felt it was an appropriate time for Rich and Christy to begin a courtship.

Rich was floored. He told Mike that he needed time to pray about it. “Well, next week I have to go down to Richmond,” Mike told him. “Why don’t you drive me down, and we can talk about it then?”

A week later Rich and Mike were on the road again. It was just like old times. And it was time for another talk.

Rich had prayed hard that week about starting a relationship with Christy again. But as he sought God, he sensed Him saying that it still wasn’t the right time for a courtship. “I still wasn’t ready to get married. I was still figuring out what I’d be doing for a living. It seemed that God was saying, ‘You committed to these principles, and you need to stick to them even if her dad is giving you the green light.’”

When Rich shared this with Christy’s dad, Mike couldn’t have been more surprised or more pleased. It was as though their roles had been reversed since their first talk about wisdom and romance. This time it was the young man who sharing what God had taught him about waiting for the right time.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

cabreraflorina.blogspot.com

ios.florinac@gmail.com

AN EARLY MORNING FUNERAL

Rich was digging a hole in Christy’s front yard that night to bury a box that contained all the letters they’d written each other. There were over one hundred handwritten pages inside it.

Had his feelings for Christy changed? Not at all. But he realized that he couldn’t be guided just by his feelings. He had to act on principle and do what was in Christy’s best interest. He couldn’t just do what felt right; he had to do what was right. Even though it hurt, he knew that the most caring thing he could do for the girl he loved was to get out of her life and end the relationship that was distracting both of them from serving God and obeying her parents.

It took Rich nearly two hours of digging to finish the hole. He made it two feet wide by three feet long and eighteen inches deep so it would be beneath the frost line. He picked up the box of letters and laid it gently into the ground. He had wrapped it tightly in several layers of plastic. Rich wanted his hopes to be able to stay in the ground for a long time… maybe even forever.

For eighteen-year-old Rich, that moment was the funeral of his dreams. He was submitting his feelings and longings to God. He stared at the box one last time, looked up at the quiet house, and then pushed the dirt he’d unearthed back into the hole and packed it down with his foot. If you want to dig this up someday, I know You can, he told God. But if not, this is where it will stay.

He covered the spot with sod, then quietly stole away.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

cabreraflorina.blogspot.com

ios.florinac@gmail.com

THREE WORDS

Ending what he and Christy called the “us” part of their relationship wasn’t easy, but they both knew it needed to happen. They went back to being just friends. They interacted at church but didn’t act like a couple. They thought of each other as brother and sister, not boyfriend and girlfriend.

The plan worked… for a while. Even though they both knew what was right, their hearts were deceitful. They wanted the feelings. They wanted the thrill of expressing how they felt. They wanted the security of knowing they belonged to each other. As a result they began to compromise their commitment to keep the relationship strictly a friendship. In a letter, Rich told Christy that he loved her. She did the same. They did nothing physically, but before they knew it, they were back in a full-throttle romantic relationship, this time behind her father’s back.

But after several months, conviction set in. Deceiving Christy’s parents began to take its toll on them. “We have to tell your parents,” Rich told Christy one day. “We can’t go on like this.”

They never got the chance. A day later, Christy’s dad walked by while she was on the phone talking with a girl friend about her relationship with Rich.

“Christy, what were you talking about?” her dad asked when she had hung up. “Tell me in three words.”

“Personal  prayer requests,” Christy answered.

“Really?” her dad asked. “It sounded more like, ‘Richard Guy Shipe.’”

They were caught.

Christy broke down and confessed her deceit. Rich met with Christy’s parents a few days later. Like Christy, he was brokenhearted at the way he had deceived them. He’d gone back on his word to Mike. He’d stolen more of Christy’s affections when he knew they didn’t rightfully belong to him.

Rich asked Mike and his wife, Vickie, for forgiveness. This time, he promised, the relationship really was going to end. He understood now that this would require drastic measures. They couldn’t simply be casual friends. “If we didn’t pull back, we would be moving forward,” Rich says. “You can’t stand still in a relationship like that.” They had to get out of each other’s lives.

That when Rich asked Christy to give back all the letters he had ever written her. Reluctantly she handed them over. “I wanted to serve her,” Rich explains. “I wanted to take everything from her that represented my feelings for her. Those letters were the record of our love and all we had shared. We cherished them and reread them over and over. I knew that in order to truly lay the relationship down at God’s feet, we both had to part with them.”

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

cabreraflorina.blogspot.com

ios.florinac@gmail.com

UNTIL LOVE SO DESIRES

Romance is a very good thing. But just because it’s good doesn’t mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all the other good gifts God has made, romantic love can be misused.

Even the Song of Solomon, which reveals in the ecstasy of romantic passion, is filled with reminders not to remove that passion from the boundaries of God’s timing and purpose.” I charge you,” Solomon bride says, “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (Song of Solomon 8:4).

Rich and Christy’s feelings for each other were real and deeply romantic. But were those feelings being awakened in God’s timing and purpose? Christy’s dad, Mike Farris, wasn’t so sure. When he found out how emotionally involved Rich and Christy were, he decided to intervene.

Mike had the chance to interact with Rich on a regular basis – he was his boss. Mike was running for the office of lieutenant governor in Virginia and had hired Rich to drive him to the different rallies and events being held around the state. On most of these trips, Mike worked quietly in the backseat or made phone calls. But to Rich’s surprise, one day Mike decided to sit up front. As soon as they were under way, Mike turned to Rich and asked, “So what’s this I hear about you and Christy?”

Rich gulped.

As Rich drove, Mike talked to him gently and with fatherly concern about the importance of wisdom in romance. Mike had many regrets about the years he had spent dating girls in high school and college. “When you’re close emotionally, you give away part of your heart,” he told Rich. “There are long-term consequences.”

To his credit, Rich really listened to what Mike had to say. The truth sank in. Rich wasn’t ready to support a family – both he and Christy still wanted to attend college. And it was also too soon for them to stoke the fires of romance. A premature romantic relationship would only distract them from preparing for their future.

“I had never heard anything like that before,” Rich remembers. “Mike convinced me. It wasn’t a case of him forcing me to break up with his daughter. As he shared his own understanding about relationships, I saw that he was right.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

cabreraflorina.blogspot.com

ios.florinac@gmail.com