ROMANCE

Our discussion of romance has been left till the end intentionally. Growing in romance should take place only when friendship and fellowship are deepening.

The essence of pure romance is pursuit – a man showing through his words and appropriate actions his care, affection and sincere love for a woman and the woman responding in kind.

While romance is not the first priority, it’s still important. Romantic feelings and the pure nonphysical expression of those feelings are an essential part of this time in a relationship. If God is confirming the wisdom and rightness of the relationship, romantic feelings should be seen as a good thing and a gift from God. Our goal during courtship is not to stifle our feelings of affection and love, but to submit them to God and to grow in and guard them.

Men, it’s our privilege to be in the initiators of romantic expression in our courtships. Throughout the relationship, it’s appropriate for us to communicate “genuine affection” (Romans 12:10). Send her an e-mail during the day to let her know you’re thinking of her. Give her cards and write encouraging notes. Give her flowers to tell her how special she is. Romance doesn’t have to be fancy or flashy. The most romantic things a man can do for a woman are the little things that let her know that she’s on his mind and in his heart. And remember, these skills aren’t just for courtship. If you get married, it will be your privilege to keep pursuing your wife for the rest of your life!

Our guideline for what we do and don’t during courtship is that we never want our romantic expression to promise more commitment than we would be ready to express in words. It should grow as our confidence about marriage increases. The goal is to tell the truth about the relationship. It doesn’t serve a girl if a man’s romantic expression is too far ahead or too far behind.

During the first month of his courtship with Nicole, my friend Steve was so determined to guard her heart that he forgot to show through his actions how much he really liked her – and believe me, he really liked her! Steve was actually very confident that he wanted to marry Nicole, but Nicole interpreted his reserve as a lack of serious interest. This caused her to be very guarded, which in turn made it difficult for them to grow closer. Fortunately, Nicole’s father and mother were providing oversight for the relationship. They saw the problem and intervened. One weekend while Nicole was out of town visiting her sister, her dad took Steve aside and told him that he needed to express his feelings more. “It would serve Nicole if you were a little more romantic,” he said.

Steve was only too happy to oblige. He felt like a kid who had just been told he needed to eat more candy! The next day when he picked Nicole up at the airport, he was waiting at the gate with a huge grin and a bouquet of flowers. Steve has since been increasing his romantic expression through his words and actions.

Ladies, it’s appropriate for you to respond to the guy’s increased romance. Your goal should be to match but not outpace him. Nicole has done this in her relationship with Steve. As he picked up the pace romantically, she reciprocated. When Steve took a trip with some friends, she arranged little surprises and notes for each day of his travel. First she baked his favorite brownies and had a flight attendant deliver them to him on the plane. Then when he arrived at the home where he was to stay, his favorite ice cream was waiting in the freezer. (Do you see a theme emerging? Women like flowers; men like food!) Steve and Nicole are growing in romance at an appropriate time in their relationship and for the right reasons.

Gentlemen, when we know that we want to marry a girl, we can begin to actively seek to win her heart. God-honoring wooing is neither licentious nor manipulative. It’s pure, it’s sincere, and it’s backed up by a desire for lifelong commitment.

What does it mean to guard our hearts in regard to romance? In my relationship with Shannon, the principle that guided me was simple. Romance during our courtship needed to flow out of deepening commitment. I refused to stoke the fires of romantic zeal before I knew I wanted to marry her. Doing so might have led to short-term enjoyment; but it would have deeply hurt her eventually. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret (see Song of Solomon 2:7).

A practical application of this principle is the question of when to say “I love you.” If you feel love for the other person, should you verbalize it? Again, we must be guided by what’s best for the other person. In some cases, saying “I love you” prematurely can be a very unloving thing to do. Unless those words are sincere and an expression of true commitment, they are meaningless and can cause great pain.

There’s no hard-and-fast rule here. We need wisdom. I choose to save the words I love you for the moment I asked Shannon to marry me. I wanted her to know the words meant something – they were tied to my commitment to her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving only her.

I share this not to say that it’s always wrong to say “I love you” before engagement. Other men I respect have said it earlier. In their particular relationships, it served the one they loved to let her know the depth of their feelings, and engagement followed soon after. My encouragement is to use caution.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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