It’s clear that we need to refine our
definition of success in courtship. Getting engaged should not be our
overriding goal. What should be?
I believe that in a God-glorifying,
wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat
each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and
wise decision about marriage.
In courtship our goals should be to
grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other’s
character, but we also want to guard each other’s hearts because the outcome of
our relationship is still unknown.
At the beginning of a courtship a man
and a woman don’t know if they should get married. They need to get to know
each other, observe each other’s character, and find out how they relate as a
couple. This is what it means to grow closer. But the fact that the future is
unknown should also motivate them to treat each other with the kind of
integrity that will allow them to look back on their courtship without regret,
regardless of the outcome.
Second Corinthians 1:12 sums up what
every Christian couple should be able to say at the end of a courtship:
Now this is our boast: Our conscience
testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our
relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have
done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace.
Instead of making engagement the
finish line of courtship, our goal should be to treat each other in a godly
manner, make the right choice about marriage, and have a clear conscience about
our actions.
My friend Leonard, a single man in
his thirties, was disappointed when Rita broke off their courtship. But because
he acted appropriately toward her, he had the peace that comes with clear
conscience.
“Sure my pride was hurt,” Leonard
says. “I asked myself, “Why?” and “What went wrong?” many times. But I consider
our courtship a success because I was able to walk away from it praising God
that I had served and honored my sister. I treated her with the respect a child
of God deserves. To the best of my ability, my motives, thoughts, words, and
actions were in the right place.
Written By: Joshua Harris
From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)
God Bless Us..
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