FRIENDSHIP

The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. You don’t need to worry about igniting romantic feelings immediately or figuring out whether you’re compatible for marriage. Those things will work themselves out as your friendship develops.

Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It’s having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together.

When you’re just starting out, don’t stress yourself out trying to orchestrate incredibly entertaining or romantic dates. Relax and enjoy each other’s company. Look for activities and settings that allow you to spend time together and talk freely. And don’t limit yourselves to going out on dates. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life – the fun, the mundane, and the in-between. Work together and play together; serve side by side.

The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the “real you”? Whatever it is you love, whatever it is that captures your imagination, invite the other person into it – and ask the other to take you into his or her world too.

“I think of myself as a student of Nicole,” says Steve, who’s been in a courtship with her for three months. “I want to better understand who she is so I can be a better friend. A lot of what I learn happens when we’re just being together and talking. But I’ve also discovered that I have to be intentional with my questions. During the day if I think of something I want to ask her, I’ll write it down so I can remember to ask her when we get together.”

Guarding each other’s hearts during this time means making sure the friendship has appropriate pace, focus, and space.

The pace should be unhurried. Don’t try to become best friends the first week. Just like any other friendship, this one takes time and consistent investment to develop. Don’t rush or try to force your way into each other’s lives.

The focus of your friendship in its early stages should be on getting to know each other, not on creating premature intimacy and emotional dependence. In the beginning of your courtship, look for activities where the focus is on something besides being a couple. In your conversations and questions, avoid talking about the relationship. Instead, seek to learn about each other. Don’t grab for more intimacy than is warranted. The focus will change as mutual confidence about commitment deepens. You’ll earn access to each other’s hearts over time.

The amount of space your friendship occupies in your life will also grow over time. In the beginning, be careful that it doesn’t crowd out relationships with friends and families. Don’t be threatened by the other person’s outside relationships. Make room for each other, but don’t try to monopolize each other’s time; remember that premature exclusivity in your courtship can cause both of you to depend on it more than is wise. Be faithful to your current friendships and responsibilities. As the relationship progresses, you’ll make more and more space for each other, but this should happen slowly and be done cautiously.

Written By: Joshua Harris

From his Book: BOY MEETS GIRL (Say Hello to Courtship)

God Bless Us..

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