MOTHERHOOD

 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻?.𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵 𝗜’𝗺 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗳…🥲

Every night, after a long, tiring day… when the world slowly drifts into sleep… I lie there beside my child, staring at the ceiling, listening to their soft breathing.

But even in that silence… my mind is loud.

Louder than it’s been all day.

Because every night, just before I close my eyes, a fear crawls in—quietly but fiercely.

A fear that grips my heart and squeezes it tight.

What if I don’t open my eyes again?

It’s not death I’m scared of…

It’s the thought of leaving my child behind.

The thought of not being there when they need me.

The idea that someday, they might cry for me… and I won’t be there to hold them.

Who will brush their hair in the morning?

Who will pack their lunch just the way they like it?

Who will understand their unspoken words like I do?

Who will be their safe place in this world?

That thought breaks me.

It scares me more than anything else in this life.

So many people think motherhood is just about feeding, bathing, or teaching them how to walk.

But for a mother, it’s about silently carrying the weight of a thousand fears—every single day.

And still showing up with a smile.

Still singing lullabies.

Still saying, “Everything will be okay,” even when we don’t feel okay ourselves.

Sometimes, I want to scream.

Sometimes, I want to cry without hiding in the bathroom.

But most nights, I just lie there, hugging my child a little tighter, whispering a prayer…

“Dear God, just one more day…

Let me wake up tomorrow.

Let me see their smile.

Let me be their comfort, their shield, their home…

Just one more

Anupama Rajan 

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